


Woof Woof

by levendis



Series: Prompt Fics [59]
Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: F/M, Long-Distance Relationship, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6560254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levendis/pseuds/levendis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m not - ” She struggled for an acceptable phrase. “-Having relations with your robot dog."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Woof Woof

**Author's Note:**

> for anon, who prompted: Sarah Jane/k9! ... idk man it sounds silly but I kinda want to read it

All the excitement, it’s nice sometimes to just have a lie-down. A quiet moment in her bedroom on the TARDIS - no craziness, no nothing aside from a soft mattress and the comfort of her own thoughts.

“Does mistress need assistance?” K9 was, very slowly, trundling over to  Sarah Jane, antenna in an inquisitive, almost empathetic position.

“No. No, thank you, everything is fine, I do not require assistance.” She smiled brightly and willed the thing away, automatically mirroring its speech patterns. Does-not-re-quire-beep-boop.

“Master indicated that you needed a ‘helping hand’.” The shift between K9’s nasal robotic voice and the recorded clip of the Doctor’s voice was jarring, to say the least.

“Doctor!” So she was yelling, it was a reasonable response. “Stop pimping out your dog!”

“The master has prepared a response in the event of this reaction, mistress.” Something deep inside K9 whirred, a tape-reel maybe, chugging and chugging and, oh, an awkward pause to end all awkward pauses, and then:

“Touch K9, Sarah Jane.” The Doctor’s voice booming out of K9’s speakers. “Do this for me, won’t you?”

“I’m not - ” She struggled for an acceptable phrase. “-Having _relations_ with your robot dog. Poor thing, did you even bother to ask before setting this nonsense up?”

“I am happy to help, mistress,” K9 chirped.

“Yes, well, you’ve been programmed to be happy, haven’t you. And it’s not right. It’s not right, you jerk! Wherever you are!”

The tape reel whirring again. “It’s a machine, Sarah Jane. A very clever one, but not sentient. Not yet, anyway. And you are a human, with needs; and I’m currently imprisoned inside an active volcano. Don’t worry, everything is fine.”

What? _What?_ “What was that? A volcano?”

“Like I said, everything is fine. Please don’t worry. Touch K9 for me, won’t you? Just a bit. A brush of the fingers.”

“What?” she asked again, baffled. Maybe a little panicked. “Why?”

“Because I hate seeing you like this.”

“Like what?”

The tape whirring, and the Doctor’s voice played out deeper, huskier than before, a low rumble. “Sexually unfulfilled.”

How does he know? Does he even know, or is he guessing? Why has no one ever told him this wasn’t okay? Why is this happening.

So she touches K9. Perfunctorily, just a pat on his back. And then, oh, fuck, that - what - she reels back, stumbling over her feet and landing arse-first on the floor.

“This unit is programmed to provide - ”

“Stop,” she interrupts. “Right there. Stop.”

K9 whistles sadly, but stays silent. Vibrating, waiting.

Goddamn Doctor and his goddamn fuck-dog, who does that, who programs their dog to be their sexual stand-in? Why? Why is this happening.

“It’s alright, Sarah Jane,” the recording says. “You shouldn’t feel pressured. But if you are interested, even a little - ”

“No. No no-na-no-no. Please no. Nope.” Nuh uh, no sir. She stands up shakily, adjusts her pantsuit, and backs away slowly. “Thanks, but no.”

“As you wish.” K9 beeps, re-beeps, like it’s having a conversation with itself. “Can I provide any other assistance?”

She smiles, probably with a slightly manic edge, and says “Ah, um,” and then runs away, slamming the door shut behind her, and locking it.


End file.
